what they don't tell you about money

[hitchhiker]

I have never trusted money, nor understood it very well. And when I got married at 22, I was more than happy to blissfully hand over the task of handling money to my husband. His theory about money was that we save every single bit of it. I had a very small budget for groceries with even less money for going out to eat. We were “fiscally responsible.” I was buying in bulk, cutting coupons, and shopping sales. I was making household cleaners from vinegar and dish soap to save money and I was unable to hire a babysitter or get any childcare when I needed to work. In sum, we were able to save because I was unpaid labor. And because of that, I did not have the freedom to do the work I wanted.

I’ve been divorced for four years now, and those four years have been a crash course in personal finance, investments, and taxes.

https://theriveter.co/voice/what-they-dont-tell-you-about-money/

Comments

[minoanmiss]

goodness gracious relatable.

[pauamma]

*growls at controlling ex-husband*

[cjsmith]

What heterosexual relationships do to women is unconscionable.
edit: there was a lot specific to money there, but it wasn't just money. That was appalling.

[hitchhiker]

yeah :( like she said, a lot of it is really about money as a proxy for freedom, which is what she was deprived of.

[amaebi]

It's not just a proxy: it is necessary resourcing for freedom in a monetary and market-based society.

Somewhat similarly, I'm fine with calling political contributions a form of speech, but they are also and more prominently resourcing for campaigns, and not paying attention to that makes for the phenomenally wicked and stupid Citizens United decision.

[amaebi]

Apart from the whole frame of weird imperatives about household finance:

Many women get devoured by males, their labour stolen and at the same time the labour that's thrust on them treated as simple, instant, and unimportant. (The same males will say that they don't have time or skills to do the work, of course.)

It's very cool that US and other societies are slowly moving toward understanding that sexual exploitation of women is genuine damage and inappropriate for legitimization. Perhaps some day there may be a similar sustained move toward respecting women's time, non-sexual skills and labour and moving toward allowing women autonomy there, too. Meanwhile, skilled and heavy labour keep getting called "emotional work." (Which exists! But in my view is not identical with unpaid labour that gets paid for by people who haven't captured woman to subject.)

[hitchhiker]

oh, that's a great analogy, hadn't thought of it in those terms before! hopefully the parallel will indeed be drawn in time.

[amaebi]

Analogy? Between non-sexual and sexual work? I'm asking only because I'm not sure. To me it's not an analogy, but different categories of work and theft and oppression.

[hitchhiker]

between a woman's right to not be sexually exploited, even by her husband, and her right to not be otherwise exploited.

[amaebi]

Thanks!

[freyjaw]

It sounds a bit like my first marriage. Luckily, I had lived on my own before that, so divorce wasn't too hard.